I am going to share with you today something that is so very difficult for so many of us as moms. The difficult part isn’t sharing it, but revealing it. SHOWING it. It’s obvious from the post’s title that I am beginning a journey to lose weight but how much you may ask? A lot. Too much.
When I became pregnant with our first boy the encouragement that I heard the whole time was that your “baby weight” will just FALL off, when you’re done being pregnant, it will just evaporate, *POOF* weight gone. No big deal. Oh, nursing will also make it fall off. Basically what I heard was no matter how much weight I gained I’d be better off afterward because of how quickly and how much will go away with nursing.
Please don’t ever tell a first time mama that her weight will just fall off. Don’t tell her that nursing will make it fall off. It just isn’t true for everyone.
At the time that we became pregnant I was in a season of discouragement, stress and adjusting. My body was holding on to fat for dear life. Like it was
going out of style…oh…wait…yea, anyways. I wasn’t eating right, we barely had money to buy groceries. We lived off a diet of veggies, rice and sometimes beef. When we ran out of beef we had junk in the house. It is after all so much cheaper and easier to buy the garbage food than the healthy wholesome food. Plus, I had no idea how to cook. I mean I did, but who wants to work ten hours drive a half hour home and then cook? Blech. We ate junk. And I started getting heavy-ish.
I was always very fit and athletic when I was in school, very active in sports and on the farm but once I got out on my own there was nothing for me to do. I hated going to the gym, hated working out at home and I was all alone. I had no one to go jogging with or do yoga in the backyard with. So I never developed that habit.
I gained 35 pounds with our first baby. I went from 145 to 180 during pregnancy. After I had Bennett I clung to 20 extra pounds. Baby number 2 came and I did better with my weight gain but I was still learning about nutrition and calories and sugars and sodium and all of that and it was still hard for me to work out. I have fought against laziness and a sense of depression for the last 5 years on and off along with the stress of kids, foreclosure, moving, extra weight, regular family stress, finances…you know.
After Parker, I overloaded on cookies at Christmas time and have been sitting at 185 ever since. That’s two years. I have watched multiple friends and family members have babies and go back to looking great so shortly after their babies come and here I sit now, after baby number 3, at a whopping 191 pounds.
It has taken me years to be semi-ok with photos of even just my face but when I see photos of my whole torso I just cringe to myself. I was in my brother’s wedding two years ago and when I see the pictures that I am in I cry. Every time. I look so large in them. I look slightly more toned since then but I just can’t be ok with how heavy I feel. I know for myself and my children I need to lose the weight and I want to but it’s a real struggle.
I want to share this with you not so you pity me and give me a ton of, “oh but you look great” comments but so that others might be encouraged and so that I might have accountability. There are a lot of blogs out there that just seem like their journey was so easy. I want to share with you how hard it has been. For those of you that also have struggled with losing weight, I’m there with you. It’s NOT easy. It’s a hard, hard fight but worth it. And I’m still just on the beginning.
Over the last two years I have learned a lot about what is healthy, what isn’t and about what’s in food. I have also learned how to MAINTAIN my weight really well. I feel like that in itself, the fact that I am not gaining anything (besides baby number 3) is an accomplishment in itself. I am taking courage in the fact that I can keep my weight at one spot without going up. Now I just have to start dropping the numbers and maintaining lower and lower.
Here’s to a long and grueling journey. But, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
Take heart friend!
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.